Last winter, it became painfully apparent that we had reached the end of our resources and were in need of some assistance. We began searching for professional help, but with little success. Granted, my mind was not at its sharpest, I was tired and very stressed. I am generally quite good at finding resources, but I was out of my comfort zone. After 21 months I had finally come to the realization that all of the loving, praying, and good reading material in the world was not going to carry us through. It was hard to admit that we needed help and I was very nervous about finding a truly good attachment/trauma therapist and not one of those scary attachment folks you occasionally read about.
I searched online, called my agency, talked with lots of smart people, called counseling services, and poured out my heart to our wonderful doctor at Seattle Children’s. She connected us with more good people at Children’s, but even they didn’t prove our most helpful resource.
The beginning of the good stuff happened when we went to The UW Center for Adoption Medicine. I cannot say enough positive things about the Adoption Medicine folks. They know what they are doing and they really “get” the issues we face with our kids’ medical and emotional needs. Through the UW, we were connected with our therapist.
If you need help, here are some suggestions.
1. Call your agency and ask for the name of a therapist they recommend.
2. Check the ATTACh website for their list of Registered Clinical Members.
3. Check the North American Council on Adoptable Children website for resource ideas.
4. Have your child evaluated at an International Adoption Medicine Clinic. You can also check this listing of adoption medicine specialists.
5. Get respite help for your family. Specialized parenting is exhausting and you need to take care of yourself, your spouse, as well as your other children. I’ll write a separate post on this topic soon.
If you live in the Northwest:
1. Consider taking your child for an evaluation at the Center for Adoption Medicine. I was so impressed with the questions Dr. Bledsoe asked and the way she spoke with Dimples. The doctors there are well versed in the issues of adopted children and have a unique way of looking at things. There are numerous issues that may affect your child’s behavior and impact a therapeutic treatment plan.
2. Contact ARIS, Adoption Referral and Information Service, or search their website for resources including information on therapists, recommended books, and support groups.
3. If you live in Oregon, you may find resources through Oregon Post Adoption Resource Center. You can also find a list of therapists on the Portland State University Continuing Education website.
I wish I had more suggestions, but hopefully this will get you started. The very best bit of advice I can offer is, don’t wait too long to get help. If you are beginning to despair, if your family is spiraling downward, if you feel depressed or can’t sleep, if the strain on your marriage is growing significant – get help. I urge you not to wait. Parenting children from the “hard places” is very different from what most of us have known and we may need some help along the way.
Thank you for stopping by.
~Lisa
What a great list of resources! That must represent a lot of time and effort on your part.
I so appreciate your willingness to share struggles, ideas, and practical help.
Fantastic info, thank you!
Lisa,
You are so right. It is so helpful to find good help, but it is hard to find.
The best advice I got was at our International Adoption Clinic when Cupcake had been home less than two weeks. The psychologist there said, "She has been traumatized. DO NOT try to do this alone."
It took a while to find the right people, but it is worth it to keep trying until you get the right match.
Julie
Lisa, I love the books the recommend on their web site. Thank you so much for sharing.
Lisa,
I'm new to following your blog…all blogs in general. I have a little one from Soddo and my husband and I are praying about an older sibling group. We have not yet started the process with an older sibling group as we want to prepare and educate ourselves more first. I've read a few of the books on these recommended list. Do you know of any good books relating specifically to an international adoption of older child sibling groups? What would be your "top read" for someone in my situation.
I've been having difficulty in getting any responses back from other bloggers. I'd appreciate any time you could share so much.
I think I will print this post and put it on my fridge, just in case. I am just thankful that you are only a couple of miles away!
Great info Lisa – Thanks. Our road has been bumpier than we thought it would be too.
Thanks for this very important information.
Blessings,
Kathleen in California
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