Eby’s special picture – he has worn it a little and carried it around even more.

Today is a good day, the sun is shining, I got seven hours of sleep last night and ran this morning, I’ve chatted with a friend, I’m getting a few quiet moments to collect my thoughts, and I am accomplishing schoolwork with Boo. Despite that, I find tears just under the surface that seem to fill my eyes at inopportune times. Russ and I are feeling hopeful, but parenting at this level of intensity makes us susceptible to Burn-out. Burn-out leads to unhappy marriages, tense homes, and miserable children. Trust me, I know all of this from experience.

Here are seven ideas for avoiding Burn-out:

1. Prayer and time with God. When my relationship with God is neglected, nothing is right in my world. Unfortunately, I have to confess that right now I struggle to keep a regular prayer time and I am perpetually behind on my daily Bible reading. Despite that, I cry out to God regularly and am so dependent on His grace that I am like a newborn who can do nothing for herself. He understands me, He knows my thoughts, He knows my failures, and yet He loves me. Amazing. If you are suffering, I recommend an amazing book by Elisabeth Elliot, A Path Through Suffering: Discovering the Relationship Between God’s Mercy and Our Pain. This book has been my companion for the past fourteen years and has taken me through severe illness, grief, and other trials.
2. Russ and I have developed what we call our “anti-depression plan” which includes enough sleep, exercise, and intimacy. We can survive nearly anything if we keep these three items at the top of our priority list. When Russ and I aren’t truly connected, I feel irritable and just plain bad; I am crazy in love with him and I need to feel close. We have not been successful at getting enough sleep, but last night we made a valiant start and since we don’t need to travel until next Sunday, we just might be better rested by the end of the week. Exercise is difficult to fit in when life is crazy, but it will help you feel better – I guarantee it. Whether you go for a brisk walk or put a Wii Fit under your Christmas tree, you will find more energy to face your challenges head on.
3. In her book, Nurturing Adoptions: Creating Resilience After Neglect and Trauma, Deborah Gray recommends the “twelve-hour-a-week rule” for parents whose children are seeing her for therapy. She suggests that adults spend “twelve hours a week, either in three four-hour chunks, or four three-hour chunks, doing nothing but what is pleasurable for them.”(p.334) Don’t ask me if I’ve done this yet….I haven’t, but I think it is a brilliant idea. For now, Russ and I have a small goal of going on a date once a week, even if it is only enough time for coffee. I also try to find a little time to see a friend each week which always encourages me and gives me to time to laugh, or cry, depending upon the day.
4. Another great tip from Deborah Gray, in Nurturing Adoptions, is to allot a certain amount of time per week that will be devoted to therapy, finding resources, consulting specialists, and working on interventions. (p. 439) As she says, “The resilient family has other vital interests and activities.” She estimates that this will require approximately four to eight hours per week.
5. Look for a little bit of beauty in your life. Beauty gives me joy when I feel that I don’t have enough on my own. Often I play music that I find particularly lovely. When I have extra time at the computer, I visit Quiet Life. I love her photography and her spirit; besides she ends each post with “Encourage one another” which I wish I could steal from her. Last Saturday Russ and I went to Samuel’s orchestra concert and as the first strains of Mozart streamed forth, I breathed in the beauty and tears filled my eyes. I felt a bit silly, but it was what I needed at that moment.
6. Keeping a routine helps me feel more in control and less anxious about the tumult in my life. From writing events in my planner to keeping up with our Advent readings, having a rhythm to my days gives me peace.
7. I sing with (and to) my children most nights. I have a blog post to write about this, but one of the reasons I sing to the children is that it is a simple way to sneak a little joy into my relationships with them. They each choose a song and I sing as we rock, or as I tuck them in. I also love to read books and take walks with my little ones. If a day is full of strife or intense parenting, I can still make the small effort to connect in a loving way with my children and find joy in being their mother.
   I would encourage you to find one thing that allows you to enjoy your children even in the midst of challenging parenting and do it regularly.
8. What should number eight be? What are you doing to prevent Burn-out in your life?

~Lisa