A package arrived from Montana filled with letters from Dimples to her siblings. The younger children spoke with her briefly during a spontaneous phone call last Easter, but have otherwise had no contact. When she previously expressed interest in talking with them, Dimples’ therapist explained that she needed to write each one a letter taking responsibility for her behavior in the family and making meaningful connection. It took many months, but the letters arrived.
I sat down with each child to read their letter. Initially I was dismayed by the content, which included a “sort-of” apology, but a good friend reminded me that this is a start. We all find it painful to take responsibility for our actions, and sometimes it happens in small increments. At least we’re moving in the right direction.
The letters brought back memories of life when Dimples was home. We had tearful conversations about days filled with fear, not only of Dimples’ behavior, but also of how we had to live to get through the days. There were also tears over it just not feeling “right” to have their sister away from the family.
Sunshine and Little Man wrote letters back; I don’ t know when Eby will feel up to it. Ladybug plans to write a response as well, hopefully Bee will too. Once letters have been exchanged, we’ll move toward phone calls and Skype. It’s a slow process and the kids need a lot of support; frankly, we all do.
There is so much uncertainty about what life is going to look like in the future, and I have no idea what God is going to do, absolutely no idea. I don’t like it. My mind comes up with lots of scenarios, and I often wake in the night to find them rolling around in my head. Yet the Lord’s plans are often far different from what I imagine. This quote sums it up,
We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be. C. S. Lewis
Lord, have mercy on all of us, hold us close, and give us peace.