Dimples has been at her school for four months now. For the first three months she “honeymooned” and had nearly perfect behavior. We were beginning to wonder if being back in the familiar environment of lots of kids with no parents made her so comfortable that she was never going to exhibit what we experienced at home. She has always done great at school, camp, and other places where no attachment was expected.
Knowing she was only going to be there for a year or so, I felt the clock ticking and wondered how long it would take to get to the heart of her challenges. Three months, she made it nearly three months without much of a hint of trouble. Then the adults there started to matter to her, she was beginning to form some tentative bonds, and the shoe dropped; her closest staff member took a three week vacation.
Those three weeks, and the weeks following the counselor’s return brought some of her pain to the surface. Her fears of abandonment and the pain of loss began to bubble up, and with them came anger.
Anger feels so much better than sadness – anger is powerful, sorrow is terrifying.
Anger feels like control. If deep grief, fear, and sorrow come the surface, those feelings may never stop and that is terrifying. Can you relate to that? I can.
While her emotions are getting stronger, her sense of safety is also growing, which is allowing a more honest and broken Dimples to emerge. She is still far more contained than she was at home, and I doubt they will ever see what we did. Life at home and life in a “home-like” setting are not the same, but this is as close as we can get.
We had a great Skype therapy session yesterday that surprised all of us. We went into it wondering if Dimples would even speak to us, and amazingly, she was able to express herself well and share some of her thoughts and feelings. We were so proud of her; she is gaining new skills and it is amazing to see.
The Lord has been so good to us; he provided this program when we needed it most, and we are tentatively hopeful. Thank you so much for praying for her and for our family; it means the world to us.