I was packing her books and treasures into a box to take to Montana. Searching her bookcase, I couldn’t find Dimples’ Bible, so I ran downstairs to my homeschool books and grabbed an extra one off the shelf. There was an envelope sticking out of the top; I opened the Bible to see what it was.
It was a letter I wrote to Dimples when she went to camp last summer.
On the outside it said, “Dimples, we love you! I hope you have a wonderful time at camp! Love, Mom.” I turned it over, curious to read the letter inside. Then I saw it; the envelope was unopened.
It is very sad to admit, even to myself, that when my daughter is away from me, she does not miss me. Without attachment she does not long for me. I am interchangeable.
I ponder this, and I’ll admit, it does not feel good. Fear can overwhelm me and I struggle to maintain peace in my heart. I read about theories and treatments and it unsettles me even more. We pray that this therapeutic program will be the turning point – and plead with God for his mercy, grace, and incredible healing power. Maybe one day in the future, Dimples will begin to attach – to need us and want us. Until then, we’ll keep loving her and believing that God’s plans for her are good.
We hope one day to trade these ashes for beauty. (Isaiah 61: 1-3)
I want to add that we are beginning to feel better around here and figuring out what it means to have Dimples away from home. Your prayers are a huge blessing to us – thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I would like to do a Tuesday Topic tomorrow and wonder, with all that has been going on with us, if you have a question for me. I would love to answer a few. If you have a question, please email it to me at firstname.lastname@example.org and put Tuesday Topic in the subject line. If I don’t get any emails, I’ll dig up a question in my Tuesday Topic queue and we’ll go with that.
Have a good start to your week, friends.