Respite is over and Dimples is coming home today. The timing is perfect and, for the most part, my heart is at peace. When we planned these dates, I wrestled with them. Was it too long? Was she coming home too close to the beginning of the school year? Would she be ready? Would we be ready? I’m happy to share that she is excited to come home, and we are looking forward to seeing her.
I’m preparing our home and my heart for her homecoming.
First, she is going to begin sleeping in a new bed. Last spring we set up a bed in the corner of the girls’ room for Hannah. It’s in a cozy spot and she has often asked to sleep there. Bedtime is tough for her and the dynamic of all of the girls in one room is not ideal. I think this plan will help her feel more secure and safe as she falls asleep. I’m also hoping to get an mp3 player and load it with peaceful music and a few stories so as she goes to bed, she can listen and rest.
Today I’m going to clean out her dresser drawers and organize them with just what she needs to start the school year. Her largest drawer will contain her school uniforms. The other drawers will have only a small number of pants, shorts, and tops. She is easily overwhelmed by too many options and is happiest when choices are simple. She also struggles significantly with keeping things organized, so simple is better.
I’ve put some of her favorite foods on the grocery list in the hope that it will be easier for her to pack her lunch. Our friend, Kathleen, bought her a fancy new lunch box, which will make Monday even more exciting. One afternoon next week we’ll cook a large batch of brown rice, chicken, and spices to freeze and have ready for her take in a thermos.
Her new backpack is sitting in my room and all of her school supplies are purchased. New school shoes are also ready to go.
As I write this, I realize I’m organizing my thoughts and calming myself. I’m telling you, blogging is therapeutic!
As important as these preparations are, the most important are those in my heart and mind.
- I recognize that we need to pray more for Dimples and over Dimples.
- While Dimples needs lots of structure, we need to maintain as much nurture as we can.
- She not only needs to be loved, but she needs to feel loved.
- We need to be more intentional to make her feel safe and protected – fear is the root of many challenging behaviors.
It’s going to be a busy day, and I’m jumping in. Russ is on the road to Seattle and will get home with Dimples late tonight. I’m praying that it is a sweet reunion.
Lisa
Praying for you guys.
This post packs so much in a nutshell! What a wonderful reminder of so many important aspects of parenting/adoption for all our kids–I especialy love the reminder that "fear is at the root of so many challenging behaviors."
Your thoughts on giving her fewer choices and more simplicity remind me of a book I am currently Re-reading (and think it should be required reading of all adoptive parents even tho it isn't about adoption)–Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. Less is often more.
Praying for you all!
I believe you may have inadvertently posted Dimples' real name toward the beginning of the post, just an FYI. I hope that it is a nice reunion for all of you, and that her year starts out (and stays) very well.
All excellent, but I'd love to see an item about how Mom's going to nurture and protect herself.
Maybe next week when reality hits!
praying-
Lots to do. :)
Today we have a reunion after a week of respite. It has been so peaceful and calm in our household and I need to prepare myself for the storm that will hit as soon as our son arrives home. Like you I have things organized for school start up – but like you said most important is the preparations that need to be made in my heart and mind. Thanks for a great post.
I am so so so sad for Dimples, the girl banished from the family holiday for her own good (according to you). That's gotta be awesome for attachment! Exiling the kid!!!!
Have you read the posts about how Dimples also needs a break? The attachment process can be very hard work and what is a vacation for some can be very unsettling for others by its very nature of being unstructured and sometimes a respite helps. Please don't be so hasty in assessing this situation. I believe this decision was not made lightly.
What an unkind post, Kaylee… if you read this blog on a regular basis, you will have learned all the considerations that went into this decision by this very loving family. Your are not in their shoes and therefore it's not your place to judge their choices.
That statement proves you have not read everything that has been done for this little girl and also how little you actually know about attachment.
Please don't judge if you have not walked in their shoes. The pain of parenting a child like this is hard enough, without the judgement and condemnation thrown in by outsiders that don't.have.a.clue.
You are more than welcome to stop reading this blog . . . move along to more "Fairy Tale Blogs", if you don't want to be supportive of parents that are willing to walk such difficult journeys.
Laurel
I've found the 4 points you have listed to be very true for our daughter. Praying over her, realizing what really is at the root of her rages has been so helpful. It's not a battle easily won, by any means. Praying for you!
As you know, we are anticipating a different kind of homecoming- thinking of you and processing some of the same supports and things WE can do to help him.
Much love
I have been thinking of you and praying for you a lot over this past couple weeks. I will continue to pray for a smooth transition. It sounds like you've thought through all the details and are as ready as possible. Please let me know when you're scheduled to head our way. I can't wait to talk to you in person!
Hi Caryn! We head to Omaha on Sunday, Sept. 16 and will be there until Friday afternoon the 21st, with therapy each day M – F. I look forward to meeting you!
Have you seen this peaceful music? They are called Scripture Lullabies-peaceful music AND peace-giving truth. Available on amazon, too. You can hear samples on their website: http://www.scripture-lullabies.com/
Thanks, Emily. I'll be sure to listen to it.
I, too, so appreciate those four points at the end. Hoping the beginning of the reunion has been peacefilled!
Just started reading this blog. I wish you well in your reunion. I can hear the fear in your words. God bless you for your tenacity and willingness to keep on trying options.
Hi there,
finding your blog today is truly from God. I am crying as I type. We have five of our own children, adopted and natural, and have just began fostering a middle school aged boy that I think may be more than we can help. It needs to be Christ in me, that can do this. I cannot, in my own strength. He has suffered so much loss. He has lived in so many foster homes and most recently a treatment facility for over a year. I am overwhelmed. His words are so hurtful to me and especially our own son that is his age. He is so demanding. He is soooo hyperactive and oppositional. Please pray for us as we love and accept him into our family. We don't want to be part of his problem, but part of his healing. He needs to start school and we can't find one that will take on his needs. We need respite and can't find any.
Welcome, Dawn. I hope you find encouragement here. My prayer for you this morning is that the Lord will meet your need for just the right school and for respite help. Blessings as you move forward in loving a child from "hard places."
This afternoon, we read Max Lucado's book about the Wemmick's in the big rocker. He asked "Why are we doing this? It's weird." I said that I never got to hold you when you were little" By the end of the book he was a bit more relaxed. I am going to pray over him while he's asleep. Thank you for your encouragement and prayers. My husband and I read your top blogs tonight and it's bookmarked. I will take your advice and find time each week to seek resources and interventions for us to help our new little man. I think I'll call him Sparky!