Comments on: Monday’s Answers: Hurtful Words

By: lindaloohoo

lindaloohoo — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 03:10:01 +0000

cause i talk too much even with my hands, here's the rest of it :-)

ashley lou, just remember, you'll have moments when those comments make you angry. you'll have moments when those comments make you sad. but over time, you'll become comfortable in your mommy skin and mostly, it won't bother you at all because adoption is an awesome way to make your family and people who see you with YOUR child will feel that..

By: Lindaloohoo

Lindaloohoo — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 03:08:23 +0000

my son is from guatemala (i am not) and when we first brought him home, strangers would come up & this conversation would follow: 'is he yours?' 'yes.' 'no, i mean is he YOURS?' 'uh, yes.' 'no, i mean, is he yours, from your BODY?' always strangers and always women. it's like women can smell a drop of insecurity from a shopping mall away. i kinda stopped going out.

now, five years later, whenever someone asks me that question, my simple response is always a pleasant 'why do you ask?' nine times out of ten, i see the light bulb going off in their face. then if they are genuinely interested and if i'm in the mood to discuss our personal business, an enlightened conversation can follow. if it was just idle curiosity on their part, they usually feel embarrassed.

By: Marlene

Marlene — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:58:39 +0000

I often say that my oldest grew in my "tummy" and my three youngest grew in my heart.

By: Ashley Lou

*Ashley Lou* — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 21:49:25 +0000

I just want to thank you ALL for sharing such amazing wisdom and such compassion hearts! As we go through this process, I know that there will be days where I can brush it off and days where I simply CAN'T take it anymore…but through many of your comments, I re-evaluated my own defensiveness and reminded myself that three years ago, I might have been prone to make the same mistakes. I truly feel blessed to be going through this process knowing that God ordained us to be here, in this place, surrounded by an awesome support system so that we could be part of His redemption plan for His child…That's all it's really about. His child!

Honestly, I just have to remember that God loves my children more than I ever could and if He can restrain from striking down "nay-sayers" with lightning, surely I can bite my tongue! Or at least handle situations with the love and compassion that I hope to emulate!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

*Ashley Lou*

By: darci

darci — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 14:50:09 +0000

These were so encouraging to read. This is our first adoption and we have actually lost friends thru this..they just said that they don't 'get it' and 'why would you want to adopt' etc etc. They were really harsh to us when we were so devestated by our agency's bankruptcy..so yeah, we've faced this. I have also had several people say the 'my own kids' comment to me, but they have been friends and I have seen their hearts. I usually rephrase it by saying 'biological'..but I have only brought it up bluntly with one person, who is my dear dear friend and I knew that she would see my heart in correcting her phrasing.

By: dorothy

dorothy — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 23:17:30 +0000

I love the "Your OWN children" comments. My answer is that I OWN them all….which sort of stops the whole conversation cold becasue who can OWN a chil. :) Thinking about a strange piercing to give people something else to dwell on besides the color of my kids …any ideas?